Another tattoo rant

She is an absolute idiot, brother's name or not. Why doesn't she get a tooth pulled while she's at it? If my sister made such an announcement to me, I'd tell her to go see a shrink. This is a rite pf passage? Getting a tattoo? How lovely! What a sick culture. How anyone of any age anywhere thinks these things are attractive is totally beyond me! Why not burn or brand yourself, or try to inflict a scar in the shape of something that's "meaningful" to you? Ugh!

Lost

Crystal quit the band. How could she- I encouraged her, let her hear my originals- we all gave her reinforcement- and are good. Aren't we? Anne's on my case about being on the computer, not cleaning garage, worried I don't want to return to work. I am entering a depression at a bad time- making all and any of these things and others more difficult.

Thanksgiving's over. Life goes on at BCSD and everywhere else. I went to Binghamton and Oneonta looking for.. something. Most of it is gone. It's the past. Where are we going? More behind me than in front of me, I fear. This is why I stopped the world and got off- to clean the garage?.... "Clean clutter?" I'm fucking starving for stimulation and creativity.

Hilary Clinton

It is not arrogance, but a refusal to consider defeat or failure. Muhammed Ali refused to be beaten, as he was The Greatest. He usually wasn't (beaten).

It is beyond thinking positively- it is the visualization of success and victory she is drawing upon to persevere. Look what she's up against? A lot of snotty sexists, for one thing.

10.26.07

Just for the record- once again, I got sick for the anniversary (mother's death). It wasn't ON Friday, but the day before. Still, if I had been working, it would've once again started off as a mental health day that turned out to be a Sick Day after all. Amazing. Think that's every year so far....

Debate

Did I miss something? I thought I heard Obama agree with Hillary over licenses after declaring he didn't understand her response. I think part of the problem for the Clintons has always been that, in addition to being politicians, they refuse to see or express things in black and white. And the dummies out there consider this pandering. Obama makes me sleepy, though last night was the best I've seen him. I like Biden- he's not "presidential," but he may be the most qualified one up there! And yes, I 've always loved Russert, but rather than coming off as relentlessly doing his job- seems to me he's obsessed with trapping Hillary Clinton rather than being objective- others got away with not answering "yes or no" questions- not her. Tim- you want a Republican in there?!?

Bloggin the Emmys

I get it now. We all watch, comment, blog, pontificate, critique in desperate hopes of somehow, somewhere, having our own 15 minutes while feeling superior to everyone else. Since I too have fallen into this trap, I will now shut up and sign off- and get back to my life.

Shrinks and drugs

I had two shrink appointments this week- I keep thinking, if "what you focus on expands," then why the hell am I spending so much time talking and thinking about my problems?

Well, I guess the message I keep getting is to do drugs (Now they tell me) and don't think.

Actually, exercise will take care of both...

I just read the following:

"Serotonin is one of the big three neurotransmitters responsible for depression, along with norepinephrine and dopamine.  My wild-ass guess / rule of thumb is that imbalances of one or more of the three are responsible for 80% of the depression issues.  It's all just a matter of figuring out exactly the extent of the tweaking and what neurotransmitters you exactly need to tweak."

It's both frustrating and reassuring that some of this is actually biological, though still embarrassing. I find it easier to tell people I have colitis than depression or anxiety disorder.

"Yeah, man, I'm cool- I just spend a lot of time on the toilet having diarrhea..."

So I've been walking at the malls, was at Cape Cod for a couple of days, hit the ocean, walked the streets- band practice was the most therapeutic.

The doc-shrink wants me to up my Lexapro another quarter of a tablet. Still taking clonopin.

From what I keep hearing, it takes a while to find the right drug combo and then adapt to it... also, that's also just part of the picture. The shrink told me "one size does not fit all," though my uncle is now presently telling me to take what he takes, do what he does.  (Take drugs and leave nasty phone messages.)

I guess Lexapro is supposed to have some of the fewest side effects- though my sister does well with Wellbutrin and an ADD drug...

It's difficult.... you try to get a handle on all this stuff yourself, but that doesn't guarantee that the rest of the planet is gonna cooperate with you.... I feel like wearing a billboard saying "Please- I'm trying to restore myself to sanity- don't upset me!"

Sometimes "it gets worse before it gets better...."

Then tomorrow's Another day... Oy!