Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The Medium contest dream
It was 1991, and my father had just passed away. I had a dream in which I was walking in a mall, and there on the other side, walking in the same direction, was my father. He looked 20 years younger, or as I'd supposed he'd preferred to appear, and we each stepped on parallel, adjoining escalators, going up. The entire time my father looked at me, unsmiling, but reassuringly. I got off at the next level, but my father's escalator kept going, as he continued to give me that look. When I awoke, I felt as if he had just given me this message- "Don't worry, it's OK."
Monday, July 16, 2007
Hypochondria
Just a quick preview:
1) HS- I thought I had BPH
2) I had scurvy, every disease in Mark's med books
3) Bubby died- and I was mortal.
4) Ira died, and I thought I was going to.
5) I thought I was sick- Helen talked me out of it.
6) Panic attacks with Wellbutrin
7) Panic attacks- did gig.
8) Job goes up in smoke- meltdown, burnout, what else?- hypochondria attack.
Like 2 years ago, walking up hill or stairs will involve some "shortness of breath"- that continues or increases rather than leaves due to fear. Instead, it grows. A week or two ago, and still some moments today, there are times when lungs don't feel right at rest. I had chest x-ray and echocardiogram 2 years ago. Panic subsided. Blood tests just taken. We'll compare notes with remicade, test resyults, all the meds and doctors. Meantime, exercise. When did this happen? Uh... after I left job. When last time? Uh.. after DWI.. When before thaat? Uh.. after I left job... Daddy sick... always guilt- as well as stress. Huge guilt. Dump the guilt. Calm down. Get in shape. Believe. More next time......
1) HS- I thought I had BPH
2) I had scurvy, every disease in Mark's med books
3) Bubby died- and I was mortal.
4) Ira died, and I thought I was going to.
5) I thought I was sick- Helen talked me out of it.
6) Panic attacks with Wellbutrin
7) Panic attacks- did gig.
8) Job goes up in smoke- meltdown, burnout, what else?- hypochondria attack.
Like 2 years ago, walking up hill or stairs will involve some "shortness of breath"- that continues or increases rather than leaves due to fear. Instead, it grows. A week or two ago, and still some moments today, there are times when lungs don't feel right at rest. I had chest x-ray and echocardiogram 2 years ago. Panic subsided. Blood tests just taken. We'll compare notes with remicade, test resyults, all the meds and doctors. Meantime, exercise. When did this happen? Uh... after I left job. When last time? Uh.. after DWI.. When before thaat? Uh.. after I left job... Daddy sick... always guilt- as well as stress. Huge guilt. Dump the guilt. Calm down. Get in shape. Believe. More next time......
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Tattoos
I personally am nauseated by the sight of even a single tattoo on someone's body, and feel that only a clueless, self-destructive worthless moron would be interested in such a thing. Not to attack anyone- it's just something way, way beyond my comprehension. It makes as much sense to me as painting your teeth black or surgically removing parts of your body instead of "decorating" it. Ugh. Grow up, 21st Century American culture- or get back to where you once belonged!
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